A letter to my once-struggling self

A letter to my once-struggling self

While meditating a few weeks ago, I received a message to be more grateful for the life I can now lead. This reminded me of the trials of my past and made me appreciate my younger self who never gave up. This is what I would tell her:

I appreciate what you did correctly when everything seemed insurmountable.

Thank you for:

  • keeping your faith by knowing that God was in control;
  • refusing to allow illness to define who you are;
  • being stubborn and disputing the doctors’ decrees that you’d never be well;
  • digging in when others mocked you for saying there was a purpose to your agony; and
  • not allowing the darkness to overtake you.

I’m blessed that you didn’t permit yourself to dwell in bitterness. That you showed no ill will toward healthy individuals who didn’t take care of their bodies. Or those who didn’t appreciate their ability to hold down a job. Or people who took it for granted that they possessed the energy to go out with friends, could pay their bills, had the strength to exercise or had the mental capacity to read an article or follow conversations.

Kathleen in 2005

The 6 lessons I learned from you

  • Through your strength, tenacity and faith, I’m more compassionate, patient and forgiving of myself. And, I’m now a vocal supporter of people finding their own unique path to the Great I Am.
  • I’m stronger than I ever believed I could be. And I know I’ll be able to get through anything life hurls at me. Even though it won’t be easy, The Supreme Power will supply me with what I need to get through.
  • I was never my profession; my essence is my heart, something an illness can never rob me of.
  • My quality of life hinged more on my outlook than my disabilities.
  • By being judged on my “normal, healthy” looks, people assumed I couldn’t be as sick as I was. This taught me that I can never know what is truly going on in someone else’s life and that I have no right to make assumptions or judgments regarding them.
  • I discovered that I can’t take anything for granted—nothing is guaranteed to last. I need to marvel about how precious each moment is.

If I could travel back in time, here’s what I’d tell you

  • You’ll be healed in God’s time.
  • The Most Divine loves you unconditionally and takes an active interest in your journey.
  • If you knew the vastness of existence, you wouldn’t fear death. You are on earth to learn, grow, heal. This is your training ground. Make the most of it.
  • Don’t fear others because they believe differently from you. Narrowing your mindset lessens opportunity and prevents you from forging friendships with amazing people.
  • Those most important to you will stick by your side.
  • Those who hurt you are there to teach you. Many times, their actions shine an uncomfortable light on your own behaviors.
  • Your soul is always intact. Your angels remain beside you. You are never alone.
  • When fear threatens to consume you, you are safe. God will never leave you. And God is never disappointed in you.

About the Author:


  1. Karen Goode July 6, 2016 at 5:43 am

    K you are the most amazing lady and help everyone to “try to be just a little bit better”. Thank you!

    • Kathleen July 6, 2016 at 7:23 am

      Thank you very much, Karen. You are a great, loving woman as well!

  2. Cyndy Redmiles July 8, 2016 at 6:41 pm

    Your words speak to me and calm me as I seek comforting reassurance from The Great I Am. God’s love and plans for each of us requires that we trust in God and allow our life to be led by Him, while being lived by us. Lived in gratitude for each blessing in our individual “world”. Faith in God along with patience, a postive attitude and love of and from family and friends and hope, ease our troubles, help us face our challenges, allow us to see the humor and beauty in the world. Your book changed my life in profound ways. I had hoped to have the opportunity to meet you and Ken, as we have mutuals friends, Karen and Gil. Now that they have moved to the east coast, will have to find another way to meet you.

    • Kathleen July 8, 2016 at 10:17 pm

      Cyndy, thank you so much for reading my blog and my book and taking the time to respond here. I’m so humbled that my book has helped you. You have a great outlook. Faith in God’s plans is an essential component to our personal healing. I wish you all the best and send my love to you. Keep in touch though this blog (you can subscribe) or my Facebook page to find when I have speaking engagements. I would love to meet you!

      • Cyndy Redmiles July 9, 2016 at 5:47 pm

        Thank you for your personal and loving reply. I’ve subscribed to your blog, as you suggested, and will definitely watch for upcoming speaking engagements on FB. The impact your book had on my Faith in God is something I share with others, describing it as taking it from a trickle, to a steady stream to an overflowing fountain. You did that for me and I could never repay you or thank you enough for this. My copy of A Reluctant Spirit is highlighted and underlined. Had to get another copy for my Mom, she would read it, call me from Massachusetts and we’d discuss your story, our Faith and note some parralels in your life with mine. May peace be with you. Inner peace, another amazing gift from the Lord. Cyndy

        • Kathleen July 10, 2016 at 10:36 am

          I’m so joyful to hear about your renewed faith in God. I can’t take the credit, though, as I fought the idea of writing this book. The only reason it was eventually written was because the Lord was so insistent about it. I also believe I had divine assistance in writing it, so I can’t take any credit, except for that I finally ceded and allowed myself to be a vessel for this message. 🙂 On that note, though, it helps me tremendously to stay on my path when I know that others are benefiting from it. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me and all my readers, Cyndy. I look forward to meeting you!

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