Until several weeks ago, if you’d asked me if I ever bargained with God, I would’ve said no. But now, I’ve found that negotiating can be nuanced—so much so, I wasn’t aware I was doing it.
It happened when I woke at 5:15 a.m. Since I was struggling to get over a chronic sinus infection, I really wanted to sleep longer before I started my day.
I felt I was supposed to get up and write as I was alert and not groggy. But instead of doing so, I said to God, “If there is something you want me to write about, let me know. Then I’ll get up and do it.”
When nothing sprang to mind, I assumed I could go back to sleep. But I couldn’t. The whole time I obsessed about how I wanted to serve the Most Divine. If the Great I Am would only give me the prompt I requested!
Forty-five minutes later and growing agitated about not sleeping, I arose and turned on my computer. I stared at the white screen for only a moment when I knew what I was supposed to compose. I drafted two posts for my blog by the time I needed to get ready to leave.
Driving to my office, I realized what I’d done. Instead of heeding the constant nudge to get up and write, I prolonged the process because of my stubbornness. Essentially, I was telling the Most Divine: I’m ignoring what you’re putting in my heart and asking you for REAL evidence that I need to get out of my warm bed to do your will.
I wonder how many times I’ve attempted to bargain with The Universal Power. I hope I don’t do it too often. After all, I can’t tell the Creator how to work with me. By putting conditions on serving God, I’m not serving anyone. If I truly want to be a vessel to work for the higher good, I need to allow myself to heed those spiritual nudges, even (and especially) when I’m comfortable and don’t want to venture out into the cold.
Have you ever unknowingly bargained with God?
See post, “God speaks to all of us.”